Expanding the brood 😱

Throughout the past 4 years I have been asked the dreaded question more times than I could possibly remember, we all know the one, the…. ‘when are you having another one?’ 

As a busy mum of 3 (who feels like getting 2 minutes to go to the bathroom is peace is a major win in life) this question always seems to catch me off guard! I’ve even had people go as far as telling me ‘you have an uneven amount, your son will get middle child syndrome!’ (wtf?!?). I am pleased to say he most definitely does not have any  syndrome and certainly has no issues having only 2 siblings so why through that statement out there?. 

I feel as though my days could not possibly get any more chaotic. Between being a parent/chef/taxi driver/referree/human chair, and of course working in the school with an extra 60+ hyper children on a daily basis, I fail to see how I could possibly fit anymore in!.

And the decision to stop at 3 was not exactly our choice initially, but one we have come to accept. Both myself any my hubby always wanted a full and fun family home, and always said we would have 4 children, but that decision was taken out of our hands last year after losing our baby through miscarriage. I ended up being extremely unwell and ended up with irreparable damage which has ended our baby journey. 

So I find the question of expanding our brood frustrating, and also at times quite upsetting. I am forever grateful for the little loves I have in my life already….I do realise how lucky I am to be a mummy!. 

This post became very deep and serious by the end….it wasn’t my intention, but felt as though I needed to put it out there, as I’m sure others must feel the same!.


The playdate..

It’s always nice to see your children happy, smiling and getting along…. Mainly because it isn’t a given all off the time in our house. So when they are acting like little angelic creatures, I seem to get this thought in my head… Three children running around my house, dragging every toy they can possibly find out of the boxes just isn’t enough…..I need to invite their friends round to join in! 

And that is exactly what I did. I decided not only to invite a friend over to play, my son managed to pick another child equally as crazy as him! I honestly didn’t believe there was another child who could jump from sofa to sofa, then do a front flip onto the floor with such ease (whilst I am stood at the side, asking him for the 100th time to stop….and all whilst giving me heart failure) but his friend funnily enough was also a pro at this.

My eldest son Logan is what I have always imagined a boy to be…full of energy, constantly giggling and running around, and my goodness he says some things that makes me double over laughing 😀. So inviting his friend over to help him burn off some of his energy was a great idea right?!?……. NO, the answer is simply No!.

Not only did I watch Logan do front flips everywhere with my heart in my mouth, I now had to try and tell 2 boys to ‘not jump on the sofa’ ‘please don’t try and do a flip off there’ ‘thats really not a good idea boys!!!!!’ 

Now this might just be me (and surely I should be used to this considering my job) but I just find I never feel fully comfortable disciplining other children! No problem at all with mine, I will just tell them straight (within reason obviously, there are some things floating round my head at those times that  I simply could NOT say). So I found myself helplessly stood at the side, repeating myself like a parrot, and desperately counting down the hours until his mum was going to pick him up…

And by the time he did go home, and my little loves also went to bed…. I could have easily finished off that bottle of wine in my fridge.  


The parenting blues..

Today has been a day which I’m sure all of us parents have experienced at some point. The kind of day where you collapse into bed at the end of a it and think ‘how the hell did I get this parenting thing so wrong?!’

I would have thought that 11 years down the good old parenting line I would have been an expert on this, able to offer my wonderful advice to my friends who were having children, but my God was I wrong…

Between spending my days as a referee between my boys dealing with a ‘pre teen’ (who may I add on most days is an absolute angel,today was not one of those days..) I like to think I can keep my cool. Today was also not one of those days.

I found myself shouting ‘will you all just shut up! ‘ far more than I should have , which as a teaching assistant I honestly don’t condone as the right way to get through to my children, but I struggled to keep my level head today.(my hubby would argue it’s never level, but he’s clearly wrong here..)

But by far the worst part of the day was the part where my own thought process though. The thoughts that started to creep into my head as soon as my shrieking mum voice appeared..

I’m not good enough for them

They deserve better 

I bet they hate me now..

Now I know people might read this and think ‘somebody is a little dramatic!‘ but these thoughts pop into my head on a regular basis, as I’m sure they do many other parents too. And I do thing the root of all these problems is comparing myself to the perfect families you see all over social media.

Lovely long family walk, Alfie is an absolute angel!’ 

What this said parent is more than likely forgetting to update us Facebook followers on is the tantrum that Alfie had when he couldn’t bring the massive stick home with him, when you wouldn’t let him jump into the pond, the list could go on. We always fail to realise that social media is a little snippet of our lives that we feel is worthy to be shared, we seem to brush over the harder points of our days. 

But even after this long post, one thing I have learnt over the past 11 years is that, as a matter of fact, I am good enough! My children are happy (most days), loving little souls. They are safe, and so loved, that surely despite my self doubts, does make me a good parent.


Birthday night ‘off’ 

This weekend I am approaching my birthday! (hurrah!) so the hubby has arranged the children sleeping out at the grandparents house, and our friends coming round for a night of ‘food and games’. Now usually I am begging for a night off, but that is usually to try and catch up on some much needed sleep, so the thought of entertaining a house full of people isn’t really what I was hoping for. (that makes me sound very miserable and antisocial, I promise I’m not! Well at least not all of the time….).

My biggest issue with such nights are the whole ‘making myself look presentable’ drama…. I am much more of a ‘stay in your pj’s until the last possible moment kinda girl. Then on top of the actual ‘gettin dtrssed’ issue, I have to try and stop myself from looking like a zombie….and so the ‘attempting to put my face on’ drama begins. 

One thing I have definitely learnt, is that I am in no way, shape or form at the same level as my nieces when it comes to the beauty game. My eyebrows are definitely not ‘on fleek’ (what does that even mean?!?) and even with a coat of concealer, the bags under my eyes are still very clear to see. 

And then that drama is over, you end up enjoying your lovely night in with your friends, which is all fun and games until you need to be a parent on Sunday morning…. 


First time blogger here! 

I’ve heard many things about blogging….how it’s a good way to get your inner most thoughts out, somewhere to find like-minded people, but in all honesty….I have set this blog up for nobody other than myself!. 

Not only am I a happily married, busy mum of 3, I am also a teaching assistant. So I spend my days surrounded by lovely, excitable children….then return home to the same scenario (granted, with not as many as 30 children…phew!) 😕. 

As I mentioned above, I am lucky enough to have 3 little loves of my own, a daughter (11!) and 2 sons (8 & 4), so as you can imagine, we have some pretty chaotic days in our house! This blog is to let me write down some of those thoughts! 🙂